24 Jokes

[Cheshire]

So many good ones... these i think are my favs

Disclaimer: Sorry if any of the jokes offend, but i tell 'em as i hear 'em.

If Jack Bauer was gay, he'd be Chuck Norris

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. NO ONE crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".

During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.

Jack Bauer makes onions cry.

Jack Bauer knows where Carmen San Diego is.

Jack Bauer can hit two birds with no stones.

Jack Bauer can divide by zero.

[Zuka Zamamee]

*Falls over laughing*

I like. Especially since my whole family is fans of 24.

I needed a good laugh.

[Joe]

omg, it's true, if he was gay he would be chuck norris!





:fireball:

[bow4lyf]

i never watched 24, but hell! even a pill couldn't stop him!

[Queen Zaspada]

Who's Jack Bauer?

[bow4lyf]

im guess is the main guy in 24 (a tv show)